Behind Closed Doors: Shower Sex

Having sex in the shower is the sexiest thing in the world. You tip-toe into the bathroom while your lover is rinsing the suds of his sculpted shoulders, as he turns round to notice you standing there he clears the condensation off the glass with his assertive, strong man-hand to get a better look at you. You smile a coy smile and slip your silk dressing gown off your shoulders causing it to fall to the floor revealing your perfect curves and smooth skin (of course, in case of spontaneity, you shaved you legs only hours earlier when you got in from work). He slides open the shower door and you glide over the bathroom floor. As you step in to join your lover in the water and suds you can’t help but notice his cock is stiff and throbbing so hard you’re surprised he’s not ravished you already. Then, after some playful kissing, you have the most mind-bowing, wet, soapy sex anyone has ever had…apart from I’ve never managed it.

Having sex in a bath is hard. I’ve given it a good shot a handful of times and so far all I’ve nailed is the run up – playful flirting while brushing your teeth together, revealing a new wax while your lover is soaping up, running a indulgently bubbly bath strategically naked – but when it comes to getting down to business it’s been tough to choreograph.

In a bath I can manage being on top, my knees are a little jammed in and boobs prone to goose bumps, but you achieve the required in-and-outs to keep everyone happy. Missionary’s out of the question unless you want a crick in your neck or your head submerged beneath the suds and as soon as your progress on to a bit of doggy styling you may as well not be in the bath – everyone’s bits are getting chilly…

When it comes to showers I struggle to think back to a time when I’ve actually managed to achieve consecutive in-and-outs. The entrance to my vagina is just too low (due to my legs being short, not a physical abnormality). Entry would require my man to bend his knees or pick me up, which for whatever reason has never occurred – maybe I need to find a man with more willing and less risk adverse to the slip hazard of a shower cubical. Despite being reasonably flexible, even if I could get my leg over my head, it’s not going to make my vagina any further from the ground. The result has always been me on my knees taking one for the team.

…and if you’ve ever given a blow job in a shower you’ll know that you really are taking one for the team. You’ll probably end up with a face full of water making breathing difficult with a mouth full of cock, your knees will get sore resting on the hard shower floor and half (or more) of your body will get cold as your lover lovingly hogs the spray of the warm shower.

Having learnt from experience I’m now going to hold out for a wet room with heated floors and one hell of a shower head before tackling shower sex again. Or perhaps just a nice meal, a few glasses of good wine and the right amount misplaced optimism…

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